Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
