whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't make out with my wife yet
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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