I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
