I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
