Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
