Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
