I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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