i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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