the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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