I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize