I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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