How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't turn off my feet"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
