wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
