My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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