The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
