i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
