I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
