so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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