Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
