Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
foreskin is a definite game changer
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
