he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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