We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
