She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
now i know why i became what i already was.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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