I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
