So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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