Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize