if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
