drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
