your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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