I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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