You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
