its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
