my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
