One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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