I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
