The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
