from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
