There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dignity is for republicans.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
