so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
