He had one of those small greek statue penises
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
