I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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