that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
