I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Buhtt sex?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize