Don't make out with my wife yet
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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