More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
