I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
