I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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