I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
