I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
