just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
