You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
