Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
