Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
