good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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