Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
