I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
