i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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