absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
