I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
