I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
