it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we should paint friendship bongs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
