The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
