ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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