sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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