somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize