I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
