Non-Jews are for practice
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
