There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They took my balls.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
