I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
