It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am available for nakedness
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
