I love black thongs
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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