I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
